The Wine Cult

So...as promised...an in-depth analysis of Two Buck Chuck.

Called "a brand of extreme value," Two Buck Chuck is a cute and catchy nickname for Charles Shaw wine, which used to be found for a whopping $1.99 at Trader Joe's grocery stores throughout California. It now averages $2.99 in California and $3.99-$4.99 in other states (damn the cost of trucking), but luckily the price change doesn't affect the rhyme. And unlike other forms of dirt-cheap alcohol (think Mickey's...Old E...wine in a box...) Charles Shaw is not only palatable, it can be quite good (and certainly leaves you with a milder headache the next morning).

Don't try to find "Charles Shaw Vineyards" or "Charles Shaw Tasting Rooms" in Napa or Sonoma, because the trick to the low price is the fact that Charles Shaw is actually made with a combination of other vineyards' surplus grapes and wines. Back in the old days (circa 1980) there was a Charles Shaw winery, but in a shocking twist of ironic fate the place went out of business and the name was purchased by the Franzia family (aka the barrons of box wine).

Since 2002, Mr. Franzia has been selling Charles Shaw exclusively to Trader Joe's. Apparently he's taken great pleasure in his ability to drastically undercut all other table wines while simultaneously "tricking" tasters at the California State Fair to vote Chuck the Best Chardonnay Ever. Or something. However, regardless of his abilities, the man is clearly good at his job - he's selling somewhere around 5 million cases of wine each year and the numbers keep rising. The guy has his eye his next target - Walmart. He's in negotiations for a ginormous contract with the Lifeblood of Middle America. Chances are, that'll make him more money.

Here's a paragraph from a piece on Mr. Franzia on CNN: "Hating pretentiousness isn't just a business plan. It's Franzia's entire identity. His office is a wood-paneled trailer with carpet holes repaired with duct tape that looks like it might house the night manager of a troubled dude ranch. He uses his cell phone only in his car, and he has no computer; his assistant prints out his e-mail messages in the morning, and he handwrites his responses on them."

What a guy. What a wine. What a marketing strategy. I dig.

Trader Joe for President

Living in San Francisco forces a young 20-something to reconcile a low budget with overwhelming options for food shopping. Every neighborhood has it's own corner stores, and there's usually a Safeway nearby (with a clever nickname, depending on your coordinates)...there's Whole Foods (3!), there's Good Life Grocery and Real Food and Andronico's and Bristol Farms...not to mention the weekly farmer's markets at the Ferry Building, Alemany, Fillmore, UN Plaza...and then there are delis and butchers and "specialty" food stores...in summary, San Francisco has no shortage of places where vittles can be purchased.

If you had the spare time (and spare energy...and extra gas/Muni fare...), I'm sure you could calculate which place has the cheapest produce (Alemany farmer's market), and which has the nicest-but-least-expensive fish/meat (Whole Foods? A butcher?), and where the largest quantities of affordable basics (likely Safeway or -awful- CostCo), and then haul yourself around (environmentally friendly tote bags in tow) and collect your meal fixings for the week. But 3+ hours and umpteen amounts of parking stress later, you will likely wish you had simply made your way to Trader Joe's.

Ahh, Trader Joe's. The Shangri-la of trail mix and dried fruit options, the frozen food capital of the world, home to a gazillion different brands of cereal and energy bars -- basically a one-stop-shop for essentials to stock a 20-something's shared kitchen (with a final receipt that is easy on the eyes). But the crowning glory, the piece d'resistence of TJ's, is the existence of Two Buck (now ~ Three Buck) Chuck. Where else in the world can you stock your wine cellar (okay, your fridge door) with decent Chardonnays and passable Pinot Gris for under $10?

So resist the urge to waste your time at Safeway (the branch on Mission and 29th frequently runs out of food), and try not to blow your rent at Whole Foods (it's so good and so $much$), and instead, bike, walk, or take public transportation (hehe - or drive if you have to, I usually do) to Trader Joe's.

Stay tuned next time for the exact etiology of Charles Shaw...a quarter life chronicle that deserves a post of its own.